Your Most Important Relationhsip

You are the one person you are always living with. Your inner voice, your reactions, your standards, your willingness to forgive yourself, and the way you respond when you are frightened, ashamed, disappointed, or uncertain all shape the emotional atmosphere of your life.

Your relationship with yourself becomes the foundation for everything because it affects what you tolerate, what you believe you deserve, how much you trust your own perceptions, whether you abandon yourself to keep other people comfortable, and whether you can remain beside yourself when life is painful.

A good relationship with yourself does not mean always feeling happy, confident, or positive. It means not turning against yourself when you are struggling.

Often, people believe their suffering comes only from circumstances or relationships. But another layer of suffering can come from the way they speak to themselves about what is happening. Fear is already painful, but then the inner critic calls you weak. A mistake is already difficult, but then you punish yourself for making it. Loneliness hurts, and then you decide it means something is wrong with you.

Having a good working relationship with yourself includes being prepared for difficult moments and the emotions that come with them.

One place to begin is by observing yourself the way you might observe a character in a story. Notice the facts. Notice your thoughts, feelings, moods, patterns, strengths, and vulnerabilities. Try to see yourself clearly without immediately judging what you find….or simply notice the judging as a characteristic.

This kind of honesty creates the possibility for preparation.

Preparation can include acceptance of what cannot be changed, willingness to change what can, learning coping skills, and becoming more able to stay present instead of running from discomfort.

It also means becoming available for the good moments when they appear.

When you are constantly fighting yourself, correcting yourself, or trying to escape yourself, it can be difficult to fully experience calm, connection, beauty, or joy.

The goal is not to feel good all the time.

The goal is to become someone you can remain beside.